A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Barsexuality is the new black.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
