How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
