Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize