$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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