Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I have fence marks all over my body
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
