I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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