Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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