Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you will always have a special place in my vag
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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