Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
