idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
