Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
