how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
