I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Let's get the cat blown out
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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