I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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