I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
