no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
