Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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