You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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