and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
