If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wish i was in the wii world.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
