I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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