No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
