Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
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mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
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I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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