im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
