if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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