I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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