yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
