I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
