dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
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I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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