Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
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where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
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I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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