I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
