It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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