I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
