she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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