I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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