I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He did a backflip because drugs
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
