Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.