My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.