I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?