I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.