I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.