you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
