I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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