bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
