im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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