Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
