woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
