It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
