I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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