I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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