I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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