actually, I'm a sock model
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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