i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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