ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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