i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
