Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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