Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
