He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
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