my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
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When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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