Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
