Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We are all done wearing pants today
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
