not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
