Your dad touched me again.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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