I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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