at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
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In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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