Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
