Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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